May 16, 2017 I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW

Perception. It's funny how we see things. Mine is different from yours--even if we witness the SAME event--our retellings would probably be very different. As a left-handed person--I have always felt as if I were looking in from the wrong direction. I've often wanted to say--HELLO--have you seen it from MY  window??  Maybe it's not as logical--but that doesn't make it any less valid.  Does that make sense?  I've always seen things differently--not saying I'm right or wrong--it just is what it is.  That's why I've developed two trains of thought on most things. What I think--AND--what everybody else thinks. Pretty sure that explains why I'm so wishy-washy all the time. Right now I'm contemplating something very important-- should I taper off before the race this weekend or just stick to my regular schedule.  Elite runners differ on this VERY touchy subject. NO idea what I should do. Simple things confuse me to death-- SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?? I don't know. Guess I'll try to run an easy 4 just to get outside --want to save IT so I'll feel psyched UP--for the half-marathon this Sunday.  NOT THAT ANYTHING WILL PSYCHE ME UP--EXCEPT POSSIBLY THE FINISH LINE!! Seriously though, this whole idea of how we perceive things and remember things  really intrigues me. It is a major theme in  Dan Chaon's new thriller Ill Will--already a National Best seller--and it was just released.

What do a mass murder from 1983, a string of present day serial killings and a a crack house have in common?? More than you think . Dustin Tillman, the main character of this haunting tale,  is a psychiatrist living in Cleveland. He has a seemingly normal life--two sons and a wife who is struggling with cancer. Tillman's life spirals out of control after his wife loses her battle. On top of that, Dustin also learns that his adopted brother, who has been in prison for 30 years for the massacre of his family, is being released--an exonerated. Dustin is forced to remember the past and question his original testimony.   Did Rusty really kill his family or has his memory failed him? Dustin's favorite mantra for his patients--"We are always telling stories to ourselves, about ourselves"-takes on new meaning  as Dustin begins to wonder if maybe he killed his own family. Maybe  he invented his memories?? While  Dustin's world is seemly falling apart--one son won't speak to him and the other is dabbling in heroin, a new patient enters his life. Against his better judgment, the two become friends and start to investigate a string of serial killings in the area. Told in classic Chaon style, the point of view flips between 3 characters, the years jump back and forth, and the writing is flawless. By the end of the story, all the characters and plots come together--and the mystery is revealed. Chaon's book requires that the reader piece the story together though. He is not going to make it easy--which adds to the fun of reading this 460 page book. It is a bit of a commitment--about a 6 mile run--that will leave saying WOW!

May 13, 2017 YOUR MAMMA DON'T DANCE

Mother's day is a tough day for many people. It's another one of those Hallmark holidays. Everyone is supposed to be HAPPY right??   They are supposed to buy flowers, cards, and gifts for their MOTHERS to honor them on their special day. For many though-- it can be a stressful, sad day. Mothers die AND  mothers are definitely NOT ALL CREATED EQUAL.  I've learned to roll with it. If life gives your lemons--make lemonade--that's my philosophy. Being a mother is a tough, many times thankless job. It's exhausting--emotionally--physically--mentally--at times. If you are lucky enough to have an equal partner in marriage--then your job is A LITTLE EASIER. I don't believe that  everyone is equipped to be a mother though --UNFORTUNATELY that's a lesson that can only be learned the hard way.  It really is a selfless act--if you're going to do it  right--whatever right is. AND--don't expect to see a return on your efforts for decades. Growing up takes a LONG time. Learning appreciation,  thankfulness, and giving back can sometimes  takes years.  So keep your expectations REAL this Mother's Day.  Whatever happens-- BE HAPPY. Remember-- not everyone is as fortunate as you are! In honor of Mother's Day, I thought I would review Anne Morrow Lindbergh's wonderful book Gift from the Sea.

Lindbergh wrote this classic while vacationing in Captiva Island in the 1950s. After collecting shells on the beach, she used them as inspiration to write about youth, age, love, the ebb & flow of marriage and family, peace, simplicity and solitude. These are her meditations on what she had learned in life. As a mother of 5, Lindbergh was at an age where she understood the trappings of life--modernity--materialism--and looked to simplify--declutter and get back to what was really important--family.  Her insights are as relevant today as they were in 1950, and her book has been read by generations. It has sold over 3 million copies and has been translated into 46 different languages.  This is a book I often pull from the shelf--just to read a chapter--to remind myself what's important in life. Read this beautiful, smart book yourself--it's only 130 pages--a mere 3 mile run-- that will have you reevaluating what's really  important too.

May 11, 2017 LOST BOY

There are several reasons I love being a teacher--in addition to getting the summers off. What I love most is that I get to have fun--I get to act like a kid. I get to be GOOFY!!  Some days I sing--preferably operatic -- other times I dance--ever try the WHIRLING DERVISH dance--you might even find me STANDING on my head if I can get it to fit into the curriculum.  You really have to put yourself out there and be willing to make a FOOL  out of yourself to be effective and keep kids' attention these days. I don't mind at all, in fact I think it's fun.  I really DO enjoy being with my students. They are intelligent and funny--they've EVEN taught me a thing or two over the years--and that's really cool. Being with kids keeps me young TOO--at least in spirit.  That's one of the things I love about running too. I get to be a kid when I'm running. Kids run around all the time right--it's the nature of being a kid. I would look like a nut if I did that unless I made it look like exercise right? So, I get to  goof around, have a few good laughs--much like a kid--under the guise of exercise. I even get to play in the rain sometimes--a dream come true for anyone under the age of 10!  It really is fun to be out in the rain--STOMP through puddles--and get DRENCHED to the bone. Seriously. This grown-up thing is SO overrated. Not sure Philomena Lee had any fun in life. It was actually a very sad, difficult life as documented in Martin Sixsmith's touching account of a mother and her 50 year search for her son in The Lost Child of Philomena Lee.

Imagine living in Ireland in  1952--CATHOLIC--pregnant and unwed. This was Philomena's reality. Because she was a "fallen woman",  She was sent to a convent in Tipperary to be looked after by the nuns. While at the convent, Philomena gave birth to a son and actually took care of him until he was 3 years old. At this point, the nuns sold her child to America for adoption--a practice that was common during this time period as thousands of children came to America this way. Philomena kept her secret for 50 years before she began openly searching for her son. Meanwhile, Michael Hess, her son, was living in Washington D. C. He was  a top lawyer for the Bush administration and an important member of the Republican party. He also had a secret that threatened to end his career--he was gay. Hess had been searching for his mother for years to no avail.  After being diagnosed with AIDS, Hess decided to make one last effort to find his mother. He traveled back to Ireland, to the convent in Tipperary hoping to find leads that would reunite him with  his mother. Find out if mother and son ever see each other again, when you read this riveting, true story. I absolutely loved this book and could not put it down. It's a story I will never forget and unfortunately another black spot on the Catholic Church. It's about 450 pages or a 6 mile run that is worth every minute. Guaranteed.

May 9, 2017 DAUGHTERS

 The queen--AKA--my daughter is returning from her world tour this week. The nickname is mostly a joke--but there are times I have to remind her--she's just the daughter of  peasants. She was lucky enough to spend a semester abroad--Florence, Italy. WOW. What an opportunity! It has been a life altering experience for her.  Four months-- navigating a foreign city--absorbing another culture-- appreciating all that it has to offer.  One day she was playing with her polly pockets  and the next thing I knew-- she was heading off to college. TIME REALLY FLIES--and you can't appreciate that statement--until it happens to you. As much as I dislike technology--I have to admit that Face Time saved me. It made her extended absence easier for me.  Don't get me wrong, I really wanted her to go abroad but it was still hard.  We are all excited to see her on Friday--getting the red carpet ready. She's forwarded her grocery list--Target necessities --and request for a welcome home banner with balloons--which will be waiting when the Queen arrives on her horse drawn carriage. HA! The mother/daughter relationship can be complicated and this is especially evident in Elizabeth Strout's highly anticipated book My Name is Lucy Barton. 

Lucy Barton endured a difficult childhood in Amgash, Illinois. Her father was abusive and her mother too passive and afraid to stand up for her children. In order to escape her reality, Lucy lost herself in reading. It was through reading that Lucy realized she wanted to be a writer.  Fast forward many years. Lucy is a married woman with two daughters of her own. After a simple operation that leads to an infection, and a nine week hospital stay, Lucy wakes up one morning to find her mother by her side. This is odd because Lucy and her mother haven't spoken in several years. Over the course of the next 5 days, Lucy's mother tries to mend fences in the only way she can. She tells stories of Lucy's childhood, old neighbors and family members. When Lucy mentions abuse--her mother dismisses her recollections and shuts down which frustrates Lucy as she needs her pain validated. This is a story about human relationships--that are often difficult. They involve accepting people--even your mother--even if she has let you down. Although Lucy's mother loves her, her capacity to love is  limited and conditional. She is not able to meet Lucy on an even playing field. Will Lucy come to terms with this and accept her mother as she is?? Find out when you read this little gem of 208 pages--or a 4 mile run--that will have you thinking and reflecting on your own relationships too. Enjoy!

May 7, 2017 TIP TOE THRU THE TULIPS WITH ME

Ran our last LONG run before the 1/2 marathon. It was a wet, humid 11 miles but there was a nice BREEZE that made it bearable. My legs and feet felt good too-- thanks to my new $127 sneakers--so much for the Dansko trunk show--it will have to wait. Did run out of energy though by mile 9-10. Going to have to get a few GU for the race. I'm telling you now--the LAST 2 miles are going to be torture--but on RACE day I'll just GUT it out--because I have to. Today I ran an easy 4--took time to stop and smell the flowers along the way. The lilacs are finally blooming. One of my favorite flowers. They just take me back in time. One whiff and I'm on the farm hanging upside down from an apple tree, collecting eggs in the coop or running away from Mrs. Apple and the other cows chasing me across the field. The lilac bush is a constant reminder to me of all that is good. Whenever I see a bush in bloom, I have to stop for a moment to appreciate its lovely, delicate scent.   I have two lilac bushes. One, a wedding gift from my sister-in-law and the other a seedling from the farm taken after spreading my grandparents ashes there. In some strange way they give me a sense of peace--I eagerly wait from them to bloom each season. They mark the passage of time and help me to remember good times. They make me smile. All this talk about flowers made me think of a wonderful classic I have read several times, Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes.
Originally, Keyes wrote this as a short story in 1959 and it won several awards. He decided to rework the story into a novel that was published in 1966. THANKFULLY. It won the Nebula award for best new novel and was  made into a movie in 1968 called CHARLY. This movie earned Cliff Robertson an Academy Award for best actor. Here's the premise. Image that you have an IQ of 68 but qualify for an operation that will increase your IQ to the genius level--would you have the operation??  Charlie Gordon is the test subject who agrees to this operation because he is desperate to be like every one else. Told in epistolary style, a series of progress reports, Charlie chronicles his life before the surgery and after, until his final regression. This is a story about the way the mentally disabled are treated and the correlation between happiness, intellect and emotion. It's a wonderful story. This novel has sold over 5 million copies since 1966 and has NEVER been out of print. The other interesting tidbit about this novel is that it is the most frequently challenged book on the ALA list--censored over the years by many a school system. I have taught the short story which is more like a novella many times and my students LOVE it. It's an opportunity to learn about difference. It's also an opportunity to learn about intelligence--the Howard Gardiner Model. We are all intelligent in different ways and that's what makes us all unique and important. Pick up this inspirational story--it's about 300 pages --about a topic that never grows old. WE ALL HAVE SOMETHING TO CONTRIBUTE.

May 5, 2017 IT ALL DEPENDS

Depends. Has it really come to that??? I guess that just depends. I've found--ESPECIALLY--after having 3 kids that the muscle control isn't what it used to be. Kegel exercises are supposed to help.!?! SURE. I love how MALE doctors tell you that one. Anyways, after several mishaps usually when running--I thought I would share some of the modifications I've had to make over the years.  If you feel a sneeze coming on--BY GOLLY--squat, sit but NEVER REMAIN STANDING--or you're a goner. Next.  DO NOT--I repeat--DO NOT EVER have a laughing jag while standing up either or you're likely to lose it-- in more ways than one--I have VAST experience with this one. And last but certainly not least--If you're going to run after a long day--wear a light jacket because it can actually double as a towel.  Wrap it around your waist and the dreaded evidence is gone--just like that! Seriously though--Depends--I thought they were for old people right??? Not sure how you feel about the book I'm going to review today--that all depends on how you feel about bookshops.

First of all, I can think of NO greater place than a bookstore. I don't mean a chain bookstore--I'm talking about independent bookstores.  A wave of excitement washes over me just thinking about them--like I've just died and gone to heaven. I could literally spend an entire day drowning in books--as giddy a a school girl! If you feel this way too then this book is for you. Lewis Buzbee wrote this memoir/history book a few years back called The Yellow-Lighted Bookshop. Buzbee has been in the book business his entire life. First as a book clerk in several stores, later as a bookseller then publisher's sale rep.  and finally as an author. He has literally spent his career in bookshops. His novel is a celebration of bookshops--the new book smell, the feel of the cover, the forest of books to navigate, the aroma of coffee--that is unique to bookshops. It's about feeling passionate enough to spend an entire afternoon poking around for just the right book even though you already have a giant stack at home waiting to be read.  Interwoven in this memoir is also the history of bookstores and the book selling business. Buzbee takes the reader from the Alexandria library which contains over a million papyrus scrolls--to Classical Rome--China--all the way to the modern bookstore-- highlighting some of his favorites including Sylvia Beach's famous Paris bookstore and Shakespeare & Co along the way. If you appreciate books the way I do, then do yourself a favor and read this book. It's about 190 pages--or a 4 mile run--that will leave you feeling warm and fuzzy inside. Enjoy!

May 3, 2017 GOOD TIMES BAD TIMES

Couldn't wait to get out for a run this afternoon--great weather--the sun was shining and the breeze was wonderful!!  BIG MISTAKE--HORRIBLE RUN--how could that be???  You never know. I ran four miles today and felt like I ran 40. Pretty sure my legs were telephone poles--felt like I was dragging 25 pound weights on my ankles too. The only good part was when it was over.  It's such a crapshoot REALLY. Just when I'm feeling good about my running--even confident about the race--POOF--it's gone.  Maybe it was getting up at 6:00--working all day--laundry--cooking--running at 5:30--dehydration--hunger--weariness. Or maybe I just need new sneakers. WHO KNOWS. I do know THAT I literally had to force myself to finish--I couldn't QUIT. It was such a DOWNER though--felt so good running 10 miles ONLY two days ago. Okay-- I'm just going to let it go-- move on--TRY NOT to over think it too much.  Tomorrow is another day right??  Not going to get TOO hung up on this thing--oh yeah--I already said that. It's just so FRUSTRATING. Dissed by my own body. UGH!  Good thing I have a short attention span. It seems to gets progressively shorter by the end of every school year too.  That's why I decided to read a collection of short stories by Dan Chaon this week. No pressure, like starting a new book every day.

Chaon is a highly regarded author who is especially noted for his short stories. He was a finalist for the National Book Award a few years ago for his gripping tales in Among the Missing. In this collection of 12 stories, Chaon explores many themes including grief, guilt, loneliness, and my personal favorite--a struggle against the past. All of his characters are dealing with some type of trauma--physical, emotional or even with the paranormal. Some of these sorry souls are haunted and damaged, while others  have unfulfilled dreams that ultimately lead them  astray and  into unexpected places with devastating consequences. I love reading his books because Chaon intrigues me. He really has the ability to understand his characters  in an uncanny way.  His perception of the human condition is second to none as Chaon knows how they think--what motivates them-- what they really need--which is usually at odds with what is best for them. While some stories are intense, others are suspenseful, even bordering  on insanity. One thing is true though--ALL are unsettling and haunting. NONE will end well because the characters are too disturbed.  Each story will leave you feeling thankful that you navigated this journey known as life and weathered the storm better than his characters--hopefully.  This is an easy to read book of about 275 pages--or a 5 mile run--that's like an onion--it has too many layers to explain. Enjoy.