July 13, 2017 TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT

Being a MOTHER is ONE TOUGH JOB. You're DAMNED if you DO and you're DAMNED if you DON'T. The list of rules is mind-boggling--and it seems to change on a dime. These are some of the lessons  I've learned--THE HARD WAY over the years.
1) DON'T ASK QUESTIONS--GOD FORBID (eye rolling & head shaking) STUPID QUESTIONS--which are all based on some TOP secret criteria.
2) DO NOT MAKE DIRECT EYE CONTACT--this may cause a mild to severe irritation depending on MOOD of the subject being LOOKED AT.
3) NEVER EVER MAKE SUGGESTIONS--Even when asked--because it will SOMEHOW become YOUR FAULT.
4) JUST SAY YES--it will save you a lot of aggravation in the long run. The CAR--MONEY--CREDIT CARDS--SURE-No problem--Is there anything else I can give you (make sure you are smiling when you say this)

5) REMEMBER THAT YOUR WORLD ALWAYS REVOLVES AROUND EVERYONE ELSE. Cancel ALL plans--AT THE DROP OF A HAT--for any ridiculous-even petty demand. I've been told this is an UNWRITTEN motherhood rule BUT I think it's REALLY just part of a diabolical plan to SLOWLY suck the life out of all MOTHERS.
6) BECOME A WORLD RENOWNED CHEF--Always prepare RESTAURANT QUALITY meals for Vegans, Vegetarians, Meatatarians, Pescetarians, and the  Lactose-free diner. This will save you  from excessive whining and complaining everyday between the hours of  4-8. THE PRIME WHINING HOURS.
WARNING:  THESE RULES--OR GUIDELINES-- ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY. GOOD LUCK AND GODSPEED.
All this blabbering about mothers made me think of a wonderful novel I read a few years back called One True Thing by Anna Quindlen. Talk about perfect mothers, Kate, is the quintessential mother--she is a stay-at-home mom who cooks, cleans, sews, needlepoints--she's one of THOSE mothers--a real caretaker. As the novel unwinds, Ellen in is jail for the mercy killing of her mother--mulling over the previous months. After receiving a phone call from her father, Ellen, a 23 year old  writer living in NYC, returns home to care for her mother who has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Ellen feels obligated to return home as she has always looked up to her father and sought his praise. On the other hand, she has never understood her mother and has only tolerated her--even looking down on her chosen profession.  All of this changes once Ellen comes home. As an adult, she sees things differently. She gets to know her mother on a different level, now as  her caretaker.  Ellen comes to realize that her mother is the cement that has kept her family together. She comes to resent her father, a man she only saw through rose colored glasses. This is a wonderful, well-written novel that is also thought provoking. It begs us to question how we treat the terminally ill. Find out what happens to Ellen when she faces the grand jury for her crime. Will she remain in jail? Find out what ultimately happens to her family when you read this book of about 290 pages. This is a real pager turner--so it's only a 3 mile run that you will never forget.