January 18, 2016 HINDSIGHT'S TWENTY-TWENTY 1982

Today, I'm running away in a different sense. From a reality that's hard  to face. The sad fact is-- I ACTUALLY HAVE VERY LITTLE CONTROL.  When my kids were little though--I deluded myself into thinking I did. Sure, they were with me every waking hour, so in a sense I had control--albeit, over little things. It comforted me, though, to believe I was in control. Knowing everyone was safely in bed--had a bath--went to school--three meals a day-- kept my anxiety at bay. Everyone was safe and sound. Over the years--things have changed. Two of my kids have grown up-- and I've had to drop the illusion. I really don't have control--I really can't protect them.  I'm not SUPER MOM to them anymore. I can tell by the way they look at me that they have figured out I'm  just a person--flawed in many ways.  I really can't solve their problems or kiss their hurts away AND that gives me anxiety. It's hard to let go even though I REALLY NEED TO AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WANT TO. We think it's hard when our kids are young, but it's only hard physically--that's a piece of cake compared to the mental and emotional stress when they are older. I wish I knew then what I know now. I would have enjoyed my little ones more. I wouldn't have taken things so seriously.  That's the funny thing about life--maybe we should live it backward-- that way  we wouldn't  have to see everything in hindsight.  F. Scott Fitzgerald actually wrote a novella in 1922 called The Curious Case of Benjamin Button that explores this idea.

 Benjamin Button is born in 1860 in Baltimore to a very excited couple--Mr. & Mrs. Roger Button. They are thrilled beyond words until they learn that their baby boy is actually a 70 year old man capable of speech. Poor Benjamin, all wrinkles and worn, is quickly whisked away from the hospital to live with his family who never acknowledges his difference. At the age of 5--Benjamin is actually 65 and prefers the company of his grandfather to the play dates his father makes for him with neighborhood children. As the years roll by, Benjamin accepts his life--he goes to war, takes over his father's business, falls in love and even has children. Remember though--as Benjamin gets younger, everyone else gets older including his wife who is eventually 50 when her husband is 20 and starts to pal around with his own son, Roscoe.  Find out what ultimately happens to Benjamin and his family when you read this great story that was made into a movie about 10 years ago. It's not a huge commitment either--at about 60 pages or a 2 mile run--you will laugh out loud on one page and be moved to tears by Fitzgerald's wonderful writing on the next. Enjoy!